I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
