i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
