i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
