First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize