She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
