I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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