once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
