i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize