his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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