And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
