im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
