We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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