did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
