Don't make out with my wife yet
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
