we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
