I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
