Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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