I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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