What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
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