no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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