I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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