I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
