Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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