you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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