I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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