no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
