Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
