There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
