thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
