don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
