yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
