My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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