There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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