Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
this beer tastes like vomit already
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
