just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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