I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
