Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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