u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
