i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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