I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
