I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
