So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
