What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
