I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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