she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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