I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
