he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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