if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
