last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
