I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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