Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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