the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
