i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
