We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
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you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
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it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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