i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I will be naked everywhere
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
