you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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