Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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