just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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