I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
